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News Archives
Old News ~ Old Photos

Tues 25th July...Boys Under 14 County Championships at Mowsbury......we may have a small Junior Section, but we have got a good one!!!! Ben Banerji brought home the County Champions Trophy with a superb gross 73, nett 62 to win by one shot. Three places back in 4th place and with a nett 65 was Aidan Rumball...and Aidan was faithful to the Rumball family golfing style by including an OOB off the tee in that score!!! Simon Scully also did well and this is, in no small part, the result of allowing our Juniors who are off less than 28 to play in our full range of competitions. Well Done lads!!!

Friday 14th July.....the ladies section expands again with another gender change underway....Webby shall henceforth be known as Christina, or Tina for short....after playing from the red markers on 18. Tina wore a low cut, lycra, skin tight top and matching micro skirt to show off the all over body tan, which was quite apt really has "she" had played like a tart for the previous 17 holes!!!

Sunday 2nd July...Avid readers of the news pages will know that the amount of space that I devote to the "who came first, second and third" type of thing is negligible.....so it gives an idea of the importance and magnitude of the scoring when I comment on the July Medal.....which produced not one, not two but three course records in one event....Alan Kent and Mike Hagan both broke Mike Parrett's 11 year old course record by one shot to record scores of gross 68.....and Alan Kent also broke the record for the Best Nett Score at the same time to record a magical Nett 59!!!! For the record....Alan was 4 under gross after 9 holes, with 5 scores of 3 on the front 9!!!! His back nine, included three more birdies as well as 3 bogeys!!! Mike Hagan was also 4 under at the turn, with two birdies and an eagle. Astonishingly...both players could do no better than a 5 on what is considered the easiest hole on the course...the 3rd!!! You have to feel sorry for Don Cook...he also shot a fantastic nett 63 and came third!!!!

Thurs 22nd June...the molers are in as usual and it would appear that they have now expanded to include a ladies section.....or why else would Steve Emmett and Steve Howarth teed off from the red markers on the 18th tee!!!! For the record, Stephanie Emmett wore a chiffon dress with a splendid flower print design, set off with a blue and white handbag and matching shoes, whilst Stevie Howarth favoured the elegant trouser suit and hermes scarf .......

Sun 18th June....We are now an internationally renowned destination for golf.....two guys arrive in the Pro shop on Sunday afternoon....having come straight from Luton Airport having arrived there from Stockholm less than an hour beforehand. They had found us on the internet and came over to play!!! They played 18 holes and then asked James to organise a hotel for them!!! Rumour has it that James charged them £100 each for the night, vacated his bedroom and got his Mum to cook them breakfast!!! They apparently were to fly back to Stockholm first thing on Monday...I kid you not!!!

Sun 18th June...I rarely comment on golf performances on this section, but this is worthy of a mention....Tony Hawker, 17 years old, shot gross 78 in round one of the Handicap Championship, had the whole week to worry about trying to hold onto his lead and plan his strategy for the 2nd round, and then went out and blasted everyone else off the course with another superb round, this time a gross 81. The handicap has been significantly reduced as a result!!!

Thurs 15th June....had an email from Steve Glover....whilst I have rearranged the wording slightly to suit the "advert" the gist of it remains as per Steve's original email......enjoy!!

Partner Required for Current Champion!!!!
Relationships can be such fickle things…..

Spam has dumped Steve Glover in favour of Apples for the Club Pairs Championship. This means that Steve cannot defend the trophy he won last year with the same partner, but he is looking for a new partner to help him prove that Spam has made the wrong decision!!!

 With two top three finishes (Chairmans Cup and Captains Day) in the past three weeks, Steve Glover is a man in form and with a desire for revenge!!!

 Anyone wishing to take up the opportunity of partnering Steve for the Club Pairs Championship on 30^th July 2006 should contact him on the following:

Home:                  01582 703833         Mobile:                 07870 231405
Email:                  stevejglover@hotmail.com

Thurs 15th June...Steve Emmett arrives for his Thursday morning game....I ask him why he didn't make it to Captains Day Evening....Got home at 4.30pm ....decided to have 40 winks.......woke up at 9.00pm!!! Ooops!!!

Sat 10th June....Captains Day....WOW!!!.....almost 100 watched the Geoff Swain trickshot show...astonishing!!!! Included smashing a golf ball through 18mm thick chipboard, 300 yard drives with all sorts of clubs, member Steve Glover managing to not just connect with the 14ft driver, but to blast it almost 300 yards up the 1st himself....Geoff taking a drop onto a paving slab with the left hand, and then hitting the ball after it bounced up the fairway...4 ft high tees....and finally smashing a drive miles up the 1st off a tee peg protruding from the front of a jockstrap worn by the Club Captain....Pete Tookey was taking pictures and if he got this one....I will post it on here in due course....a good a reason as you will ever need not to accept the position of Club Captain is to have a golf ball smashed 300 yards off your wedding tackle!!!

87 played, the course was jammed with a shotgun start at 8.45am....in blazing heat, with drinks supplied by Cally and Dave and their team of helpers....but gradually most wilted in the heat or succumbed to the combined effects of alcohol and the golf swing. Tim Smith shot a fabulous 41 points to win the main event, Sarah Walker shot a superb 40 points to win the Ladies prize and best score of the day came from Junior Vice Captain, Aidan Rumball who shot a sensational 46 points, including a blob on the 1st hole....13 years old and a gross 86 (which includes the 8 on the 1st!) off the yellows.

England kicked off their World Cup campaign 30 minutes after everyone came off, and the bar was packed as most stayed to watch....a projector and giant screen has been installed for the duration of the World Cup.

At 5.00pm the clubhouse looked like Baghdad on a bad day.... and then the catering staff transformed the place in just 90 mins, so that the club looked superb as 116 people returned for a magnificent Captains Day Dinner, followed by presentations, prizes and music from "The Soulman". My day started at 6.00am and finished at 2.45am on Sunday!!! One of the finest Captains Days in the Clubs history, without a doubt. 

Fri 26th May...Happy Horwood returns from his golf tour with a newsworthy item....1st night out, leaves his glasses in the pub and they ring to tell him they have got them...arrangements are made to collect them a day or so later.....the glasses are collected on the way to golf.....arrive at golf.....where are my glasses????? Oops, left them in the car....go get them, play golf, eat afterwards, leave.....where are my glasses???? Turn around and go back to get them!!! This is way in excess of anything John Steele has done with his glasses...losing them three times in quick succession is an awesome achievement!!!

Weds 23rd May...Bob Albery emails me concerning the information that I send out to all members with their membership tags for the coming year....the information on how to complete a card for handicap purposes is what Bob is taking about....the email and my response is below....

Hi Steve

Thank you for the letter that I received today.

It looks to me that Mark Edwell did not do too good a job of marking Dunit Wright score card,I can see three bad errors on it, for instance hole 2 should be 5 net3, 3pts, hole 10, 3 net 2, 3pts and hole11, 5 net 3, 3pts.

If I am correct in my observations I do hope that your errors were to see if any of us was taking any notice of your rants.

 

Or if not do they qualify for a short spell in the yellow dunces coat.

 

kind regards 

  bob a

My response was ......

Dear Bob...

 

Thank you for the email concerning the deliberate mistake on the Dunit Wright card.....it has taken over 12 months for someone to be sad enough to actually check the card and notice that the score on the 10th is incorrectly shown.....this deliberate error then enables me to point out to the player that provided that the gross score in column a is correct, the rest is irrelevent and will not result in a DQ......

 

If you believe that load of BS you will believe anything!!!!

 

However, your attempt at ridiculing me founders immediately on the rocks of your own errors.....

 

Dunit Wright plays off 26 and therefore gets 2 shots on indexes 1 ~ 8 and one shot on all the rest. Therefore hole 2, stroke index 10, he only gets one shot and the entry is therefore correct. Hole 11 is stroke 9 and again only one shot is allowed to handicap, again the card is correct.

 

In summary...in attempting to appear smug and self worthy in finding multiple errors on the information that I sent out, you have infact covered yourself in liquid manure by creating twice as many errors incorrectly as you found correctly. I can only assure you that this correspondence will make it onto the newspages of the website.

 

I will send the yellow dunces coat to your address so that you can try it on for size. It clearly ought to fit well.

 

Regards

 

Steve 

Tues 16th May...there we go...two entries in two days!.....What does Tuesday mean???Seniors day....yup....that perpetual contributor to the news archives, John Steele, has done it again....Carefully packed his car this morning, shoes, balls, trolley, rainsuit just in case, umbrella, tees...got everything??  yup....except his clubs!!!!!!! My spare set are currently being taught how to shank a chip!!!!!!!!

Mon 15th May....wow its been a month almost!!!! Just when I thought that there was nothing happening, no silly stories etc...a whole glut comes along in one go...Greenkeeper Tony regains the "Jacket of Shame" in superb style....Tony, van, completely, ditch, in...make your own sentence!!! Next up is Captain in two weeks time Donny.....at home, night before a club match, breaks his toe on his own golf trolley when he tripped over it in the dark.....as Mrs Donny had moved it from its normal place without telling him....A word of advice Dave....when you go through a doorway, at about 4~5 ft off the ground on the wall is usually a small, mostly white square or rectangle with a number of switches....if you press one then the lights come on and you don't kick golf trolleys....and then....the following day....equipped with trolley and broken toe...Dave partners Tim Smith in the Clubmatch at Colmworth.....Tim has forgotten his trolley battery so he pushes his trolley around without the battery whilst Dave hops along trying to keep up with his with a battery!!! Astonishingly, they win their match 6 and 5!!!!

Thurs 19th April....John Steele gets his second mention in a month....see 11th April below...when his eyesight problem has clearly not been resolved yet as he was spotted trying to open his locker with his remote key fob for his car!!!!! HE'S GOT A CAR!!!!!! Scary!!!

Mon 17th April....Vince Hasker claims another 1st.....despite having until the end of June to play his 1st round singles matchplay, his enthusiasm convinced him to get his challenge underway early....and resulted in Vince claiming the first spot in the plate competition!!! Well Done Vince!!! I will see you there no doubt!!!!

Tues 11th April....now I thought that I had heard it all.....but John Steele has surpassed all that has been reported previously....the conversation began in a normal manner...."has anyone handed in a pair of glasses from yesterday?" "Do you know where you lost them John?" "No, they must be on the course somewhere, I was wearing them at the time!!".......I kid you not!!!! 

Sun 9th April....Well that sorted out the men from the boys.....the first major of the year....the Apple Designs Spring Trophy...Spring????it was bl**dy freezing!!! later that day it snowed!!!! so after a winter of yellow tees from the mats... the first time back on grass and it is from the whites.....the greens were not quite Augusta pace....but there were some nasty pins out there....VJ putted off the green on the 8th, Pete Graydon copied him on the 9th and I'm sure that plenty of others managed it as well.......the 10th was just downright mean...although Richard Scott holed a long downhiller followed by a big celebration.....but Mike Hagan claimed the first place at next years Annual Presentation Do with a sparkling 38 points.....

Sat 8th April....the Ladies section make a welcome return to formal competition with their Spring Trophy Event and 6 participants....with Angela Templeman showing everyone how to do it with a very steady and consistent 30 points....hopefully, this will be the start of regular competitions from the ladies

Thurs 23rd March...Discussing that most contentious of issues....dress code. With Spring around the corner this one always causes a few problems in the next 6 months....so it is an opportune time to restate our code.. No Jeans, T shirts or collarless shirts, no tracksuits....smart casual is acceptable at all times...and Phil Barter shows how easily this can be achieved...no jeans or t shirts there!!!!!

Sun 19th March....A member happened to be in conversation with the Captain of Griffin Golf Club.....when this snippet came out....

"I know your Captain" says the GGC Captain...."What is his name??? Oh yes, Peaches"!!!!!!......must have seen him with his trousers down then!!!!

Sat 18th March...Annual Presentation Dinner Dance...Superb meal, I have now finished training Janice and I am now happy that I have brought her skills up to the required standards of catering. I can teach her no more!!!! The band were great and a very good time was had by all.....Vice Capt Dave McGarry hung onto the end.....the bar that was, as standing unaided was not possible!!! Clubman of the Year, Vince Hasker, was outstanding with his Ping G5 Driver Draw....Vince should have been contracted by FIFA to do the world cup draw....Instead of 500 numbered balls, we had balls 0~4 for the hundreds...0~9 for the tens and 0~9 for the units in three cloth bags...Vince absolutely nailed the patter!!! " Need some helpers please, Apples, Horwood, Ponsford and Cally were pressganged in....Vince describes them as "Snow White" (Cally) and some of the seven dwarves....so he introduces Apples as Bashful!!!then moves across to Derek....the room is already laughing.....a choice of two really...grumpy or happy!!! Then there is more....after getting the 3 boys to hold the bags in front of themselves, just below waist level, Vince instructs Cally to "put your hand in their sacks, have a good rummage and remove one of their balls!!" Classic!!! 214 was drawn, Winner is Mick HowarTH.....which was a bit unfortunate, as I rang Mick HowarD on Monday by mistake to tell him the good news!!!! Left a message with his wife....I realised as soon as I put the phone down...so I rang straight back...and got an engaged tone!!! Put them on ringback...and spoke to his wife again...yup..she had been on the phone to her hubby to pass on the good news!!!! OOOps!!! Still, all sorted now....but I think I owe Mick Howard a beer!!!!

Thurs 9th Mar....more news involving the pro....he was doing a bit of work for Beds Police at HQ in Kempston...when it was mentioned to him that his car, in the main carpark, ought to have a tax disc on it!!! Nice one Geoff!!! Good plan mate... nowhere else in Bedfordshire would there have been a police officer on foot to see your tax disc....except at Police HQ where there are hundreds!!!

Thurs 9th Mar....news reaches me of a cock~up involving our nominated charity, Keech....indeed it could be a Keech Cockup instead of Keech Cottage.....those of you who are in my address book would have received the email about the tickets to Starlight Express at MK theatre for 6th March....Geoff's much better half Mandy plus members Gerry & Mary Bernstein took up the offer to see a fabulous show that involves the cast on rollerskates whizzing across the stage and around the auditorium...except that the cast were not the only people moving around the auditorium as Mandy, Gerry and Mary were nicely snuggled into their seats, jumbo sized toffee popcorn and a huge bag of boiled sweets at the ready, when three staff from Keech appear with the same tickets!!!! Apparently, elsewhere in the auditorium, this scene is being played out to another group of people as well....9 tickets, 14 people turned up with them!!!! I rang Pauline at Keech this morning to try and resolve the mystery.....the original tickets were bought by Keech's chief exec!!! The reason for the snap thaw in Bedfordshire is Pauline blushing with embarrassment!!! 

Thurs 2nd Mar...a story from last week reaches me...Alan Loveday is playing the 11th when he strikes his approach slightly left. The ball bounces up INTO the back of the van used by the greenstaff....now normally, I would say that he is entitled to relief from an movable obstruction under Rule 24 1b...except that the back of the van was full of turf from the course....so technically it is possible to argue that the course is in the van as well, therefore he should play it as it lies!!!! Had it been Steve Bradshaw, there would not have been a problem as Pixie would have been able to stand normally anyway!!!

Mon 20th Feb....Donny the Vice has a new fundraising idea in advance of his Captains Year....with Apples now heading towards £8,000 for the year for Keech, he's going to need all the ideas he's got!!!! Dave has spent the best part of the last two years as a member of this club, making detailed notes of life at Chalgrave and has now brought all of these notes and observations together into a wonderful hardback edition priced at just £14.95, all of which will go to the Captains Charity. As a brief insight into this awesome tome, I have detailed the chapter headings below:
Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.
Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee.
Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You are already 8 in a bunker.
Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance Off the Shank.
Chapter 5 - When to Give the The Chairman the Finger.
Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximise Earnings.
Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management.
Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00a.m.
Chapter 9 - How to Rationalise a 6 Hour Round.
Chapter 10 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Pond on the 10th.
Chapter 11 - Why Your Wife Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th.
Chapter 12 - How to Let the 7.30 Sunday Foursome Play Through Your Twosome.
Chapter 13 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the Tee.
Chapter 14 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent.
Chapter 15 - White Lines, Fringes and Trolleys and How to Deal with Them
Chapter 16 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt.
Chapter 17 - When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever.
Chapter 18 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?

To order a copy email steve on steve@chalgravegolf.co.uk  Delivery of the 1st Edition, which will be signed by the Author in a special promotional day, will be on Sat 01.04.06 in the clubhouse. 

Sun 19th Feb...Fantastic comment that needs to be shared with you all.....Adrian, Estevan and Ken Osborne are approaching the 17th green...Estevan and Adrian are walking up to the green, whilst Ken plays his shot from below the ridge back at the 150 yard markers....(I know it sounds made up.....Estevan up with or ahead of play on a hole measuring over 500 yards...when he is normally 50 yards behind when you have only walked 30 yards off the tee!!!!).....Ken's shot lands just beyond the pin, kicks forward eight feet and then spins back to less than 6" for a simple tap in...Estevan is awestruck by the backspin and precision of 18 handicap Ken. 18th Hole...Ken does it again, backspinning up the hill!!!! Estevan is astounded..."how do you do that" he says...quick as a flash, Adrian chirps up with "big overswing and lift your head just before impact!!!" I expect to see everyone trying the new Ken "Leadbetter" Osborne technique over the next few weeks.

Weds 15th Feb...Aidan and myself made our attempt to put some silverware on the table in the 1st round of the Matchplay PLATE...yes we got stuffed in the real competition...so we were looking forward to our match against Pete Warren and Tim Petzing...we arrived at the fifth tee feeling very pleased with ourselves, being only two down at this point!!!(we were 4 down after 4 in the main comp!!). Our joy was shortlived as despite a solid par 3 on the 7th and winning the 8th, we finished the front nine 5 down....and when Tim and Pete has two balls within 10 feet on the 10th and we were the whole green away, it looked like another thrashing was on the way....we managed a 3 and the good old downhill putt on the 10th worked in our favour as we won the hole....and then the fun started...11th Tee, howling crosswind from left to right....Aidan tees off and goes OOB..just.. I tee off and go OOB...bit more than just!!! Tim tees off...OOB....Pete I'm expecting to take a putter off the tee!!! Tees off and goes OOB!!! We can see a small white blob, in bounds, where Aidan finished, so we elect to play Aidan's ball I hit provisional. OK, we have provisional in play, and a possible first tee shot in play...Pete plays 2nd tee shot into the first bunker!!! Aidans original drive is in bounds, just...must have come back off the slope as we were sure it had gone out.....just managed to stop Aidan taking the OOB post out of the ground.. (loss of hole in matchplay!) and I decide to try and take all the trouble out of the game with a 6 iron to the green....thinned it into the water hazard, fortunately into the grassed bit just short of the pond....Tim claims casual water in the bunker and elects to drop in the bunker, 1st drop rolls back into his own footprint, but again in casual water....decides to drop in a different part of the bunker and it plugs 2/3rds down into the sand!!! Tim gets it out onto the fairway....pick, clean place and shank OOB!!! conceded the hole at this point!!! Well if the scratch team can lose this hole to an eight the week before, then if it is good enough for them its good enough for us!!!

Sat 11th Feb....Race Night in aid of Keech Cottage....a superb night and really well attended with over 100 people coming along to support the event and raise a staggering £847.75 for Keech Cottage. Apples' entourage were in full voice, winning the unbelievable amount of £450 on the auction race....When you consider that the payout is derived from 80% of the bids for the horses being the payout and 20% to the funds for Keech, you know that auction went mad at some point....that point was Horse 7....the first 6 horses all sold for around £40/£50, in itself and great amount...and the Dave Weedon and Tim Smith got involved in a bidding war which saw the rest of the clubhouse keep their hands absolutely still in case I suddenly took a bid off them....£160 for Horse 7!!! won on a maiden bid by Rob Green who allowed Dave and Tim to fight it out and then pinched it off them when their backs were turned!!! and finally Horse 8...again the bids reached in excess of £120 with Tim and Dave determined to out bluff each other....... and Dave seemed to have won the challenge at £130....until a secret bidder came in, so dave upped it again, without realising that he was infact bidding against himself!!!! Well, I just kept looking at him, he kept thinking that the bid was against him, so he bid more!!!! who am I to turn it down!!! Eventually, Dave outbid himself for the final time and paid a superb £160 for that horse as well.....it should have been £150 but apparently I forgot to give him the £10 change!!!Oh well!!! The race was closely fought, but eventually, "Lucky" Apples came good and scooped the incredible prize.....Dave was later seen trying to sneak a wedge of notes into the Captains Charity Jar, which was only emptied a few weeks ago and contained ANOTHER £350 by the end of the Race Night!!! Mick Yule won the Grand Final, taking home the TV DVD combo to add the the remote control Porsche that he won earlier.... Mike Bowers was caught out on the Tote Forecast...as someone asked to Horses 1 and 9 and Mike gave him a ticket, despite their only being 8 horses in a race!!! Mike was, however out done by Pete Moss, who clearly enjoyed the Auction so much, that he suggested to the Apples Consortium that perhaps I should Auction off the prize for the Auction Race for Keech....yes Pete!! I can see it now...What will you bid me for this wad of cash, £450 in total??? £10? do I see £20? Oh superb bid....£50, very generous!!! You couldn't make it up!!!     

Fri 10th Feb....Janice has a great attempt to win the "Jacket of Shame" from the greenstaff!!!!!!! I arrived at lunchtime to start the afternoon shift, Rob and Tony were in the clubhouse bringing stuff up for the Race Night...and Janice had been trying for ages to get the food processor to work and had given up and was mashing stuff up by hand.....it took me less than 30 second to get it to work...Rob and Tony were nearly in tears of laughter...I mean.. come on....me, telling Janice how to make things work in the kitchen!!!! You had to see it!!! Janice's face was so red with embarrassment that the jacket was not needed. So next time you order from Janice in the kitchen....ask her if the food processor is working!!!!

Tues 7th Feb....Doug Oakes is caught advertising another golf club....Three Locks as it happens....
Yesterday, I met with a company who are to produce a glossy brochure for the Club, to advertise our course and facilities to Societies and Corporate users, along with those that wish to hire the clubhouse as a venue for weddings, parties etc etc. The company left me with a sample brochure that they had produced for Three Locks a while ago. Whilst browsing through it earlier today, the pro recognised a certain profile, and there bold as brass is Doug Oakes staring out of the centre pages of Three Lock's brochure. I was quite convinced that it was our seniors who were there... there are two buggies in the picture as well, right on the edge of the green!!!! Enough said!!! I showed the offending picture to Dougie when he came off the course, he said it was a seniors club match that he remembers losing.....as he played a tee shot to within 12 feet of a green, on the fairway, having cut the corner of a dogleg par 4 earlier in the round, and was promptly told he was Out of Bounds!!! Not a happy Dougie!!!!

Sat 4th Feb.....At Last!!!! As Apple's Year draws towards its end, the one remaining challenge has been achieved......Dave had commissioned a sign to mark his parking space, which made it clear that anyone parking there would be fined for the Captains Charity.....much to my surprise, NO ONE has had the guts to park there and see what happened... until today, when Phil Barter used the implausible excuse that "I'm scratch team captain, so I'm OK. Whats he (Apples) going to do about it anyway???" I'll tell you what he did....Apples had secreted away a proper wheel clamp, huge bright yellow steel plate and thick chunky chains, in the Greenkeeping Shed, and the offending vehicle was immediately clamped!!! How difficult was it going to be to get a fine out of PB do you think???? PB is not the smallest, weakest chap in the world, but he made the fatal error of leaving his WALLET on top of the lockers in the changing rooms....where Apples found it!!!! Having ascertained that the wallet was indeed Phil's, the Captain decided on the size of the fine and paid it immediately!!! A few drinks were bought at the bar as well to celebrate!!! (well, it was Phils round!!!)  

Fri 20th Jan...Greenkeeper Phil Adams is pleased as punch...having been round to see son Darren the night before.....and his new grandson who was born on 19th Jan. Darren and Penny are chuffed to bits.....although Darren did say to his Dad.....
"I can't get over how much the baby looks like Apples!!!!!!" I kid you not!!!!

Fri 13th Jan 2006.....well with a date like that, something had to happen..... and so it did....4th hole...on the approach to the tee, the McGarry's suddenly hear an almighty crash bang wallop.....as Apples stumbles into the bin in the dark, half falls over, clutches at his trolley for support, misses his footing and trips over the tee marker. He was awarded 5.9 5.9 5.9 and a 6.0 from the Albanian judge. This was after his 24" distance tee shot on the 1st!!! strangely enough, Dave did not figure in the prizes!!

2006

Tues 20th Dec.... yet another Seniors Moment....Seniors Captain Peter Whitton arrives for his Captains Farewell Competition....equipped with another turkey....to present to the senior who really did win it last week!!! Yup...Owing to an error on the checking of the cards the seniors awarded the Turkey Trott prize to the wrong person, and so had to correct the error this week......

Tues 13th Dec...a spectacular seniors moment, one worthy of serious mention....Stan Harbron, in the course of the Seniors Turkey Trott Competition, a 3 clubs and a putter fun tournament before Christmas.....lost not one but TWO of his 3 clubs during the course of his round, losing his Driver and 5 iron!!! Somehow (probably as he must have forgotten a few strokes as well) he still accumulated 29 points and finished 2nd!!!! You couldn't make it up!!

Sun 11th Dec....the Kids Xmas party.. one of the events that sets Chalgrave apart from every other golf club....our family parties...a new trend as well with the Clubhouse as No Smoking worked well....although the lobby area got a bit foggy!!!Not sure if that was Buncefield Depot or the smokers!!!!! Denis Lane kept the kids on the dancefloor, I showed off my extensive repertoire of balloon modelling skills (OK so long as you want a dog or a sword!!! although I almost got away with a snake...) and then a couple of appearances from Thompson the Dog and Harry the Hippo kept things moving along nicely....4.30pm....what a great sight, the local RoundTable Christmas float, with Santa climbing out of the chimney drew cheers and ahhs from the kids....it took almost a hour to get everyone onto Santas knee to collect their pressies....the final three being Ant Yule, Simon Scully and Gloria Silva!!! Santa finally had to take his leave, back into his chimney and off to finish of his routeplanning for Christmas Night.....Thomo and Harry made a final appearance and the party drew to a close after just over 5 hours of mayhem at around 7.30pm. James, Victoria, Laura and Happy Horwood were all completely cream crackered, and the Club looked like we could submit a claim for blast damage from Buncefield!!!! A great afternoon all round.

Sun 11th Dec...The turkey trott....a good time was had by all as two clubs and a putter sorted out the men from the boys....35 points won it... so why do we carry 14 clubs around??? The Pro went round with the McGarry's, with a banana shaped putter, a driver and a wedge as his choice of clubs.....the 35 points were not his!!!!! Mind you, the McG's introduced Geoff to a new form of golf, having taken a rather large bottle of spirits out onto the course to fortify themselves in the cold.....deciding to have a swig every time someone got a birdie...this was soon abandoned in favour of a swig every birdie, par, bogey or double bogey!!! It wasn't the fact that the golf improved considerably from that point, it was just that they didn't care anymore!!!!!

Sat 10th Dec.....2.00pm on the dot....Dave Weedon's sister and kids appear for the Kids Xmas Party, they are guaranteed the best seats in the house....because the party is tomorrow!!!!!

Fri 9th Dec...the morning after the night before....the greenstaff arrived just about on time...having been out for the staff xmas party the night before....and they were in plenty of time to see Happy Horwood arrive... looking slightly the worse for wear....Derek later confessed to having woken up in bed (as you would expect) fully clothed (not what you would expect) except for his shoes which he taken off....or at least he thinks he took them off! Derek took a full 2 minutes to make it to the front door from the car....and was still looking not quite himself when I arrived for my stint at 12 noon..(that's management skill and organisation for you...staff party...everyone else in at 7.00am ish...I roll up at 12 noon). For Derek...it got worse....Geoff had locked up the night before, his first time at that task.. and had been rather over zealous in his efforts to ensure that the club was closed up properly....he switched off all of the night storage heaters and the coffee machine!!! Derek had to wait nearly 30 mins for the coffee machine to warm up, and then he went and sat next to a cold radiator to warm up.....and didn't realise that they were off at all. It was not until Geoff came back in at 9.30 that the heaters were switched back on!!! For the record...the staff's challenge to me this year was bowls...yeah, I know...how old the greenstaff???? I had to laugh though....I played bowls until I was about 16, my younger brother Jerry has been Herts County Champion many times.. and my Mum was English Ladies NATIONAL Runner Up on one occasion!!! So I was quietly confident....we took two rinks at Dunstable Leisure Centre, and started on an empty green....6 blokes in jeans, trainers, coloured tops etc etc...which was OK until a county indoor match turned up to play 20 minutes after we started!!!! All in grey trousers and white cardigans!!! With 8 players on each of three rinks, I reckoned that there was over 1,600 years on there!! They were great though, offering tips and general advice and they were suitably impressed with our standard of play. The final result was a single point victory for Darren, with me in second place. Tony finished last having not grasped the concept that the ditch around the edge of the green was not there to stop the bowl, you were supposed to keep out of it and the little white ball was what you were supposed to get close to and stop, not just whizz past at high speed!!!

Fri 9th Dec....A seniors moment worth savouring....12 of our intrepid seniors set off for Brampton GC near St Neots for a day out....on arrival, thick fog blanketed the course and it was closed... so they all came back to Chalgrave and played here instead....best part of 90 mile round trip to play golf at your own club....now fellas... it was the Skoda test drive day last week.....you don't have to test drive your own cars!!!!!

Thurs 8th Dec....El Presidente, John Ponsford has been having a shocking time recently with the putter, which in turn causes excessive damage and wear to the greens around the holes every time he three putts from 5 feet....so to help, we have installed some new winter cups on the greens....John improved and only two putted the 1st!!! 

 Tues 29th Nov...Skoda Golf Day....Well what a day!!!! Six top of the range Skoda's...inc the V6 2.8 litre Skoda Superb...and it is!! Kirsty and the Team from MMM and Skoda who put the whole day together arrived at 7.00am and the first players rolled up for bacon rolls and coffee just 30 minutes later....the course was adorned with Skoda Banners and Hole In One Prize Posters....Don Parrott arrived at the 5th and read the offer....a hole in one wins a holiday for two in a luxury villa in Spain....he carefully selected his club, took his stance, a smooth, carefree swing and moved the ball about two feet....towards the road!!!! Apples, Ken Osborne and Rob Green just doubled up with mirth...Don was as sick as his surname!!! Lunch for all followed, then the prizes with over £300 worth of goodies and vouchers given out.....not a bad day for no cost to enter!!! Hopefully, we can repeat the exercise next year....maybe I'll give Lamborghini a ring, see if they fancy doing something!!!

Fri 18th Nov...7.00pm....Chris Webb, Alan Michael, Vince Hasker and Ben Hope all blast balls way up the 1st fairway in the dark to commence the inaugural Night Golf Championship...luminous balls and a full moon.... a scary combination!!!! Winner on the night was Nigel Hillman with an extremely boring level par score of nett 24 for 6 holes (1 ~ 5 + 18). Of much greater interest were the dodgy scores.....Pixie managed to lose his ball....Apples failed to finish...Donny spanked a superb 10 shots down the 18th...and was outdone by Mick Yule who took 11!!! John Ponsford took some incriminating photographs

Del Boy Greer sneaked into the picture on the first tee... he's the one on the right!!!

Joe managed to get caught standing against a vertical line.....not a good idea Joe!!!

Thurs 17th Nov....Spectacular deal for club members... Tuesday 29th November, golf competition, great prizes, bacon rolls and coffee before you start, lunch afterwards, test drive the new Skoda....ALL FOR NOTHING!!!!!!! Get your names down!!!!

Thurs 17th Nov....It does not bode well for next years seniors captain....Brian Gidley arrived to play his normal Thursday morning round with the molers... got himself ready, shoes on, short sleeved shirt, short sleeved jumper and shorts...well it was up to -2 by 9.00am... and out to the car....unlocked the boot...ah!! One of the basic requirements for playing golf is to bring your clubs!!!..."put me off last chaps, I'll be back in 5 mins!!!"

Thurs 10th Nov.... sadly the Portugese have no sense of humour and no response has been received from my email....never mind...

Tues 8th Nov.....15 juniors/potential juniors attend golf coaching at The Effective Golf Centre at Tea Green, Luton. All had a great time and most are coming back for the rest of the course over the next four weeks. Ages from 7 to 17, and from just one short session with the pro...some significant improvements to their games...a lesson for us all perhaps????

Thurs 27th Oct....a fabulous invitation hits my desk....well sort of...below is the word for word central section of a letter from the Director of the Instituto de Turismo De Portgugal, concerning the World Golf Championships in the Algarve from 15th to 20th November:
"So come and visit us. Come and play with us. Our home is your home and we would be delighted to welcome you to the Algarve next month."
Sounds good to me....so I emailed them accepting the invitation...my email was as follows:

I am in receipt of a letter from Antonio Soveral Padeira asking me to come and play in the world golf championship and stay at his home. I quote:
"Come and visit us, come and play with us. Our home is your home."
I am available to play in the World Golf Championship and would be delighted to accept your generous offer to stay at your home. I can arrange a flight to arrive in Faro on 13th November and would appreciate it if you could forward information as to whether you will collect me from the airport or if I need to make my own way to your house. Can I also bring my wife, as she is keen to visit the Algarve again?
I play off 7 handicap and I am more than happy to represent any country that you feel would benefit from my talents.

I look forward to hearing from you shortly regarding arrangements.

Steve Rumball
Chalgrave Manor Golf Club

I will let you all know if I get a response!!!

Tues 18th Oct...had an email from El Presidente, John Ponsford...which I feel I must share with you..

Fri 7th Oct....Steve and Aidan test drove the Night Golf Balls...playing the 1st, 2nd and 3rd three times for a nine hole round in pitch darkness, with just the flagsticks lit up by luminous nightsticks....it was hilarious!!! You can see the ball perfectly well, but you cannot even see your club!!! Even on the putting green, you know you have a putter in your hands, you just can't see it!!!! No excuse for slow rounds of golf....no lining up the putt, no checking that you alignment is square to target, just.. if it feels right...hit it!!! I even holed a 12ft putt on the 3rd....the luminous ball rolling across the green, and then everything went black as the ball fell in the hole...and then about a second or so later, the hole lit up with a deathly green glow!!! Don't worry, the course will be slightly better lit for the Night Golf Championship on Friday 18th November... but get your names down quickly....40 places max... and 20 are taken already!!!!

Sat 1st Oct....Captains Charity Race Night....as always, Apples brings along a vociferous crowd, half of Highbury turned up as well....well our race nights are far more exciting!!!...and a damn good time was had by all....rarely have the tote been so busy all night, with long queues to get money on before each race. Mrs Apples won everything in sight....except for the top prize of the night, a 2hour+ flight over London in Capital Radio's Flying Eye, which went to the Birt party.....Race Night virgins they were,  but that didn't stop them!!! Keech Cottage was the ultimate winner, as the event raised £910.10!!! Awesome!!! Steve's new game, the Battle of Trafalgar, sank without trace....but having now seen how it can work, with a few modifications, there is scope for this one yet!!! Watch this space!!!

Sat 24th Sept....News spreads of a narrow escape for the Club Captain.....Mrs Apples had spent some time dropping a few hints...had taken the week off work....gone to collect her Mum....but Apples was still drifting along in blissful ignorance...."i'm out on Weds", he says to Mrs Apples..." but we are out for a meal, for our 25th Wedding Anniversary" says Mrs A!! "oh...oh..oh yeah, I only mean for an hour early on, I've just got something to sort then I'm all yours for the day................DARLING!!!". (OoooH Bugger!!!! where's the yellow pages????where's the florist!!!) All's well that ends well....Dave is still married and looking forward to 26th Anniversary next year......now what date was it????

Tues 20th Sept...A seniors moment...Dave Baston comes in for the usual Tuesday get together, and collects his buggy for the morning..."can I book a buggy for the match on Thursday away at Tilsworth please as well?"...yes Dave.. the key word there was AWAY!!!! I can just see one of our buggies trundling along the A5 now!!!

Sun 18th Sept... The Parrett & Hawker Foursomes....foursomes golf is always an exacting test of golf and your compatibility with your playing partner....if one is playing well and the other rather less well, then it becomes a severe test of friendship!!! Sometimes however, you get the perfect pairing, where players are so well balanced that it matters not who hits the next stroke...Sunday produced a rare example of this...John Steele and Roy Evans were level par to handicap after three holes and Roy drove from the tee up the 4th...John shanked their 2nd shot OOB across the driveway, so Roy had the play under penalty, their 4th shot, from the same spot he had driven to. He also shanked OOB...so John had to play under penalty, their 6th shot, from the spot he tried to play from earlier... and shanked it OOB!!! Roy now stood over the ball, playing their 8th shot from the spot that he had driven it to from the tee!!!! For safety, the putter was considered but discarded and for the sake of consistency and mutual respect for his playing partner, shanked it OOB!! Drop it for 9, get it up to the green for 10, 2 putt for a 12!!!! But.....Ray Ram and Del Greer showed that they were even more compatible, with a round of staggering consistency... the only blemish on their entire card, a par 4 down the last!!! 7 bogeys, 5 double bogeys, 3 triple bogeys, 1 quadruple bogey and a stunning quintuple bogey 9 on the 11th makes them the undisputed compatible foursomes champions.....to add insult to injury, Ray and Del were partnering Apples and Spam...who shot a nice little nett 69... with only 2 6's on the card and everything else 5 and under!!! Talk about chalk & cheese!!!

Tues 13th Sept...visitors to the club, and this website in particular, will know that the general good humour that exists within our club is one of our greatest assets....this humour extends to all sections of the club and no one is exempt from it....Janice's Specials Menu now has Spam and Apples for £99 in honour of the Captain and his playing partner!!! and whilst entering into the Po Pourri Twilight Zone that is the Ladies Changing Rooms (to put competition and handicap changes on the board ~ not that I have to explain myself!!!) I found a superb example of Chalgrave Humour....there are a series of flowery style cards from some of the ladies to their section, thanking people for support, a good day out etc etc....(its a ladies thing guys.....just humour me.... I'll get to the point!!!) and there is a beautiful, handmade card from Pat Bowers to Kay..." Congratulations"........"Kay"......"on your air shot".....
"your 1st.....love from Pat""!!!!!....classic!!!!!

Sun 11th Sept...Something strange is going on....I have just completed my second consecutive club competition....and am down to play the Parrett Hawker Foursomes next Sunday as well....three competitions on the trot!!! its only taken 12 years to do it!!!... and whilst on the subject... as I did promise to make mention of it....Pete Graydon and myself were stunned into silence at Rob Green's approach shot into 18 on Sunday....from the rough on the right hand side, about 50 yards short of the green, off a downslope with a rock hard Ultra golf ball, Rob overshot the flag landing only 12" from the edge of the green. The ball bit, fizzed and spun sideways and back UP the green to hold on the top section!!! You had to see it to believe it!!

Sat 10th Sept.. Junior Captains Day...Estevan launched a massive drive up the 1st to open his Captains Day and a big field of Juniors and Adults braved the downpours to record some fabulous scores...Gavin Oliver stormed home with 45 points and Brian Lalor was left to rue the two blobs as he finished with 42 points in 2nd place. Aidan Rumball took the honours for the Juniors with a level par 36 points, whilst Dean O'Dell....42 handicap... mullered the ball down the 11th fairway well beyond the ditch to win the junior longest drive. Pat and Kay finished on 30 points each for the ladies. Estevan organised the day, sorted the groups, did the prizegiving and was a credit to himself and the Section. 

Sat 27th August....just got back from a short break up in the Lincolnshire Wolds....horseriding for wife & daughter, golf for Aidan and myself....Market rasen and Kenwick Park were superb, but were blown away by the 100 year old splendour of the Hotchkin Course at the National Golf Centre at Woodhall Spa....if you have a handicap here and have paid your affiliation fee to the EGU, then you are entitled to play at the reduced rate of £45....and it will be the best £45 you will have spent on golf....The Hotchkin is rated 12 in the World's Best Courses....and it is awesome...cavernous bunkers, fabulous greens, generous fairways, but you need to be on the right bit of it!!! and the most picturesesque, ball~eating heather you have ever seen!!! From the yellows, it was almost always a 170 yard + carry to the safety of the fairway, they also have green tees for the seniors, which are a bit back from the reds. Every single hole is just superb. So inspired was I, that I finished my week with the most incredible round....5 under par gross for 9 holes!!!!!!!!!! a stunning seven consecutive 2's, a hole in one and the only blemish, a par 3 on the last at the Long John Silver Adventure Golf on Skegness Seafront....the attendant said it was the lowest round he had ever heard of... but he only started work there the day before!!!! But seriously....go and play Woodhall Spa sometime....

Weds 17th Aug....Professional sport throws up fantastic games, performances, careers that live long in the memory, the current Ashes tests, Jack Nicklaus at The Open, Justin Rose's last shot as an amateur, holing from 120 yards, also at The Open to name but a few...the rest of us...well, if we are very lucky, will manage to achieve something in our own sporting careers that we will remember for a lifetime.....today that happened for one of our Junior Members....Lewis Blair, only 10 years old, 36 handicap and plays from our red tees, and playing his first ever representative match for the Club, and a County Competition at that....is nervous as hell standing on the 10th Tee at Aspley Guise....for those of you who haven't been there, it is a par 3 190 yards from the whites (which is where he played from) with a carry of 140 yards over a tree and undergrowth covered ravine...Bunkers protect the green front, left and right.....whilst most of the competitors have already started, some 30 ~ 40 adults are watching from the tee and balcony above.....Lewis was second to go, having watched the first player top his ball into the ravine...using his Taylor Made 3 wood, he took a couple of practise swings, re~adjusted his feet, took another practise swing, re~adjusted his feet again and then took his first ever shot in a county competition....the ball soared into the air, cleared the ravine and landed on the front left edge of the green around 25 ft from the flag...it bounced twice and then started to roll....swinging back across the green towards the flag....a ripple of applause came from everyone watching for a superb tee shot...but that petered out into silence as the ball continued across the green....slowing to a trickle just inches away from the flag...the ball and the base of the flagstick merged and then there was a huge roar from the crowd as the ball disappeared into the hole!!!!!! Lewis virtually fell over in shock, the players on the 11th hole came back to find out what all the noise was about and personally, I felt sorry for the lad who was last to go!!!!Having also just spent 30 minutes giving Lewis a putting lesson, I was a bit miffed that he saw fit not to require my advice!!!!

For the record, Lewis shot 113....which was -3 to his club handicap from the reds, the rest of the boys all did very well as well, producing one of the most consistent batch of scores with everyone within 4 shots nett of par, above or below, to handicap. Aspley Guise Golf Club were terrific, presenting Lewis with a Hole in One trophy to commemorate the stroke. Lewis made one error....he kept playing with that ball and lost it!!!! Never mind.....the memory won't let him forget that!!!!!

Tues 9th Aug....I think I am going mad.....or maybe the world is more barmy than I thought....the phone rang...and the woman on the phone wanted directions to the club....nothing strange there you might think....where are you coming from? I ask....Dunstable comes the reply.....are you on the A5 or do you know how to get there? I ask....I'm not sure is the response....so I ask them to describe where they are so that I can give them the correct directions....they say that they can see fields to the left, two large white signs to the right and a white gate.....what do the signs say I ask???.... Chalgrave Manor Golf Club comes the reply....yup, she was sitting in the main entrance!!!!!60 seconds later, she is in my office, saying she has got the wrong golf club!! so I give her directions to Tilsworth.....I refrained from giving her directions to the entrance to Tilsworth and then suggesting that she phones for more specific instructions from there!!!!!

Mon 8th Aug...The Godfreys are back in the news again, this time it is Brian as he ploughs up the carpark......Brian is seen by Apples dragging his trolley and bag back to his car, the trolley wheels splayed wide and the bag just dragging along the ground as the trolley had collapsed!!!! On arriving at the car, Brian decides to cannibalise the trolley wheels before binning the trolley frame... so he removes one wheel and chucks it on the ground in frustration...then the other and bangs that into the ground as well...where it promptly bounces, lands perfectly on its tyre, and rolls off down the carpark!!!!!!! 

Sun 7th Aug.. Medal weekend...I make a rare appearance (NR'd on the 12th!!!) as Aidan needed to get a third medal sorted out so that we can play as partners in the Pairs Competitions....as I putted out on the 15th, the sound of laughter could be heard from the 11th Tee....my putt wasn't that bad I thought!!! but it turns out that the lads are laughing at Mick McGarry's drive on 11....which cleared the ditch and finished on the left hand side of the fairway......the 14th fairway!!!! Conservatively, 11 handicap Mick, missed the intended target fairway by a small matter of 100 yards!!!! The record shows that he recorded a 6 for that hole!!! However, the 10th also caused a few problems, with 2 cards recording NR's, 4 cards showing 8's, one card making a 10 and Paul Godfrey surpassing everyone with an 11!!!! Paul then proceeded to take a 9 on the 11th to go from being a nett 3 under at the turn, to nett 8 over two holes later and then getting it back together to drop just one more shot to finish nett 9 over at the end....

Tues 2nd August....Club Captain.....Dave Apples......is not a happy bunny....His playing partner of several years has dropped him for a new partner!!!! Paul McGarry entered the Mens Pairs Championships with Steve Glover instead.....and the pairing shot a nett 63 to win the Championships!!!! Three years with Apples....not a sniff of a trophy...1st Major without him...win it!!!... say no more!!

Mon 1st August....One of our original founder members, Des Salmon had a celebration in the bar....for the first time EVER, (and he has been a member since the start, 11 years ago... Des made it across the lake on the 10th!!!! His contribution the the Charity Jar has been enormous over the years....he was so excited and pleased with himself that he undid all the good work two holes later, accumulating an incredible 16 on the 12th, including 4 OOB's, only two of which were off the tee!!!! Having got underway at 5 off the tee, Des managed to hit one the trees hard enough to bounce off the trunk and OOB twice more!!! Des is currently looking for a foursome partner for the Parrett Hawker....any takers???? 

Sat 30th July....Apples's Charity Day....116 players packed out the course as the first group led off at 7.20am and were back in the clubhouse long before the last group started at 12.30....Apples had lost his voice and was going round talking hoarsely at everyone....sounding just like Marlon Brando as Don Corleone in The Godfather....and having the same effect as money was readily forthcoming from all who were approached!!! The House Committee surpassed themselves again in their support, organisation and enthusiasm, with Vince Hasker collecting entries and sending people out onto the course, Donny and Mick McGarry hovering up spare cash with raffle tickets and implausible fines, Coco with his ingenious putting & chipping competition made for a great day.....

....although had he maintained that position for the chipping target there would have been even more takers!!!!!

The prizes were taken by the usual Charity set of Bandito's... Apples' Mates "The Dwarfs" won with 132 points, perennial bandits Burden, Hughes and 2 others walked off with the 2nd prize with 128 and another Apples Team, The Bedford Boys took the cases of Budweiser...after drinking at the bar all afternoon The Bedford Boys were slightly the worse for wear as they got into the minibus to go home....but decided to crack open the Buds anyway....so instead of asking for a bottle opener, one of the guys said he could open the bottles with his teeth.....he lost that particular challenge and will be at the dentist's today!!!!

The grand total....assuming that everyone who agreed to sponsor holes etc. pays up...and would you not pay The Godfather??? is a staggering £3162.82. Add the £800 + from Dave's Captains Day and the year looks like it is going to be a big 'un!!!

Once the day was over, a whole load of the HAGS along with the McGarry Triplets went on a Toddington Beer Crawl...suitably attired in the Angel as The Bandits.....see the photo!!!!

Adrian Purser, Richard Scott and Rob Green look as though the McGarry Family resemblance has spread!!! and of all the photos I had to choose from, this was the best one, and I have spent some time tweaking it...which gives you some idea of the state the photographer must have been in!!!! Harry McG surpassed himself, eventually landing facedown in his own chicken madras as the alcohol finally won the battle!!!

Weds 27th July....Tavistock Trophy Home match for the Juniors....The Tavistock is an interclub tournament involving all of Bedfordshire's Clubs. Clubs are drawn into leagues of 4 teams, and teams of 6 players from each club play once at each venue from their league. The scoring for the match is based upon the two lowest gross scores plus the best two nett scores to count, with two scores discarded....which puts our lads at a huge disadvantage....our league had Aspley Guise, John O'Gaunt and Leighton Buzzard, all of which can turn up with all 6 juniors off single figures.....it is always the 2 gross scores that cause us the biggest problem....until today....

Michael Ashby and Estevan Silva tore up the course....both of them 1 under par gross at the turn (Michael having had a triple bogey 8 on the 9th as well!!!!!) and both finished at 1 over gross on 73 to record the 2 lowest gross scores of the day....Aidan Rumball finished nett 75 and Simon Scully finished nett level par, whilst our two discarded scores were from Ben Banerji and Anthony Yule who both put in sound performances anyway.....Chalgrave have never achieved one point in any previous Tavistock encounter, home or away....today, we won all 6 with a clean sweep whitewash....well done lads, I was so proud of you!!!

Even Derek Horwood got in on the upbeat performance....he was chatting at the bar with Aspley Guise 1 handicapper, and the converstaion went as follows...."your course is just so easy" said AG's 1 handicapper...." what did you shoot then??" said DH...."9 over came the reply"..."oh, too easy is it???" shot back DH!!!!!  

Mon 25th July....Boys County Championship @ Leighton Buzzard GC, Estevan, Michael, Simon, Aidan and Ben all represented the Club in various age groups....all were competitive with both Aidan and Simon getting close in their respective age groups....but the star of the day was Ben Banerji, who is now Bedfordshire Under 12 County Champion, shooting a fantastic gross 86, nett 67 for a 4 under par total. Congratulations Ben!!!!!!!!!

Sun 24th July.....The only sun seen all day was the sun in Sunday....a rainy, windswept day was the setting for the Pairs Championships...and whilst the result still has to be confirmed, a number of stories have come out worth mentioning.....1st off at 8.00am, getting the best of the bad weather, were Ray Ram and Don Parrott....flying round the front 9 in a nett 33 and sizzling along the back 9 in another nett 23 shots for the holes 10 ~ 16....2 under par for that stretch....it seemed the Champions were to be the first pair out....until a staggering gross 16 nett 14 shots occurred on the final 2 holes!!!!... the drama didn't end with this pairing....Club Champion Michael Ashby paired up with Dad Richard....and it has to be said... Dad had a storming round....with Dads score counting on 14 of the 18 holes to put them at nett 60 for the first 17 holes....on the final green, Michael holed a good length putt for a 4, so Richard picked up his ball marker as he was also putting for a 4 from about 4 ft.......except that Dad gets a shot on 18!!!! Unofficially, a nett 63 will win the competition....so it was stony silence in the Ashby household over Sunday Lunch!!!!!!    

Barters Beauty & Ballroom Salon
!!Opens Shortly!!
Hot on the sparkly, twinkly heels of the salsa dancing lessons, rumour has it that Phil Barter is embracing his feminine side with a vengeance....Phil's Opening Day Extravaganza will include lectures on intertwining beauty therapy and the golf swing, How to Feng Shui your golf stance and feature the latest in summer golf fashions that can be worn straight from the golf course onto the dancefloor....."so what if you can't hit it 300 yards.....who cares so long as you sparkle!!!!" says Phil "Nice Boy" Barter. 

What's going on you are probably asking???? I don't know either....maybe PB feels so threatened
by young Michael Ashby he wants to play off the RED tees from now on!!!

Fri 15th July....Michael Ashby arrives at the club at 6.45 am. He is due to play Bob Albery in the Singles Matchplay KO in the afternoon.....so as he wants to play well after his Club Championship victory....he goes up onto the practice ground to work on his game.....Michael was clearly so worried about playing Bob that he had to be woken up by the greenstaff...yup, these youngsters....up sooooo early he fell asleep on the practice ground, instead of working on the tiny, tiny flaws in his game. Bob realised the flaws were tiny when he was defeated 6 &4!!!!!

Mon 11th July... Committee Meeting.....Apologies from Phil Barter...he cannot make the meeting as he is going to Salsa Dancing Classes!!!!! You couldn't make it up!!!!!

Sunday 10th July....Subject to confirmation from Handicaps and Competitions Committee....Michael Ashby at 16 years and 41 days old.... became the youngest player to win the Club Championship. With a 1st round 76, he was in equal 2nd place alongside Paul Northcott and Mike Parrett and 3 shots behind the leader......his Dad, Richard!!! However, youth, stamina and great skill bore out...with the only sub par round of the day with an awesome 71 in the 2nd round to total 147 and win by 5 shots from Phil Barter in 2nd place on 152 and Mick Parrett also on 152.......Mick probably producing the story of the year so far.....as Mick suffered a horrible injury to the shoulder when a snowboarder collided with him on the ski slopes last winter....to get the movement and feel back after being laid up for so long as the shoulder healed was one thing... to get the golf back to single figures was a huge achievement....and 3rd place in the championship was almost as big an achievement as Michaels...Congratulations to all for a great championship....Michael, it will be a long, long time before anyone beats 16 years and 41 days......although Ben, Simon, Aidan and Anthony will have a fair crack, I am sure!!!!

Sat 25th June ....The HAGS v The Snobs....the HAGS..full of bravado and beer, the SNOBS full of low handicap golfers.....it was a massacre....Rorkes Drift and the Zulu's sprang to mind....with the best 8 scores counting from each team, the HAGS triumphed by a staggering 315 points to 280!!!! There were some sights to see....but Phil Barter taking 4 to reach the ditch on 17 topped the lot...and topped was the operative word!!!!!!!!! The SNOBS were so distraught at the magnitude of the defeat, that 3 hours later... the HAGS were still in the clubhouse celebrating whilst there was not a single SNOB in sight....defeated on AND off the course!!!

The "Ponsford Wanted Poster" had an immediate effect....within hours of the Poster being displayed on the noticeboard, asking for info regarding the whereabouts of the Rook that nicked the Presidents ball on the 12th hole, a rook wing was pinned to the poster!!!! Clearly a feather in the cap for whoever caught up with it!!!!!

Sat 11th June Evening....more photos from the President!!!

Apples played the part of David Furnish to a tee...

Head Greenkeeper Rob Parr and GK Phil Adams looked almost normal in jacket & ties as opposed to combat gear and boots...

Deputy Head GK Darren Adams invested for the long term in that shirt...it will still fit in 40 years time!!!

Whilst even in the carpark at 1.30am, Mick Yule wasn't safe from the John "Paparazzi" Ponsford as he got snapped demonstrating the latest dance steps...

....oh the power of picture editing these days....this was almost completely black at first....but a few tweaks and Mick is clearly the designated driver having been on pure orange juice all night!!!!!NOT!!!!!

and the good news.....Del Greer's attempts to kill Stuart with a golfball during the course of the day were unsuccessful, as the golfball sized lump with "Titleist" embossed on Stuart's forehead was scanned at the L&D and found to meet the R&A standards. Stuart looked more worried when he was driven off the course in Tom Hawkesworths car than anything else, and whilst he looked decidedly wobbly for a bit, Mick Yule looked far worse at 1.30am!!! Stuart said he didn't mind being hit by Del.....well would you get golf ball rage with Del???

Del meanwhile decided that if he could hit Stuart with such unerring accuracy, he wanted Stuart to play in the group ahead in future and wait by the flag until Del has played his approach shots.........

Sat 11th June... Captains Day... and what a day it was....the day dawned bright and sunny, Happy and Steve opened up the Clubhouse at 6.30am, coffee and danish pastries for all....first to arrive... at 6.45am was Hopeton Marriott... straight from work apparently!!! Coffee and Danish Hopeton??? Danish yes, coffee no..any chance of a pint??? which set the scene perfectly for the arrival of Captain Apples and his entourage....Mrs Apples dived straight into organising anything that needed it, Joe Silva commenced dispensing whisky to all and sundry, plus Hopeton every 5 mins!!! and soon the clubhouse was awash with members ready for the big start to the day...

Down to the first tee, Geoff Swain, fresh from the World Trickshot Championships, gave a small  demonstration of a selection of his shots....when the first strike was hit standing on just his right foot and the ball finished less than 20 yards from the bunker up by the green, you knew that something special was going on....12ft long drivers, 4 ft high tees, you name it it happened...the final shot, played off a tee placed into a plastic holder on the front of a jockstrap worn by the Captain brought howls of laughter and a lot of flinching in the audience at impact...200mph clubhead speed meets Daves tackle!!!!....

Kay teed off for the ladies, Estevan for the Juniors, both with superb drives to a background of noisy barracking....and then cometh the hour, cometh the man....Apples stepped forward to a mighty roar....Happy interupted the first waggle to bring Apples some toilet paper...he has been worried about this for weeks....then the noise reached a crescendo as Dave stood over the ball....and then fell away to an even more unnerving total silence... before a deafening roar commenced at the top of the backswing. In a moment of sheer poetry, the shaft flexed, the clubhead returned square to the ball at impact, the hips cleared for the follow through and the ball soared gracefully away landing on the centre stripe, with a draw, absolutely miles down the fairway!!!! Probably the best drive ever seen from a Captain in 11 years!! A huge cheer, then we all turned and left him behind as we made our way out onto the course for the shotgun start....

John Steele teed off first on the 14th....not longest drive but nearest the target...tee shot landed short of the ditch, rolled along the fairway towards the ditch, about 6" shot, it popped up and over the ditch and came to rest 6ft from the centre of the target.. it was not to be beaten all day.

Elsewhere on the course, Phil Barter arrived at the 10th and proclaimed that if he holed his tee shot he would jump in the lake...such was his confidence at being able to achieve this, he stripped to his underpants before teeing off!!! Sadly..he missed...but said he would jump in if he holed the putt for a birdie....sadly he missed that as well....

Everyone received a visit from the Presidential Convoy of buggies that dispensed vast quantities of whisky, lager and anything else you fancied....Hopeton flagged Dave down on a number of occasions, whilst Happy was extremely merry by the end and seeing as he was checking the cards, anything could be happening there!!!! Eventual winner, Jacobs Emmett had a superb 42 points, including three 1's, so a cut will happen there, Barry Martin will feel Barter's knife as well for his 42 with two blobs, Pete "furry face" Graydon showed that the 5 handicappers can play a bit with a 41 points, whilst pinching the last of the main prizes was....Hopeton "whisky" Marriott!!! also with 41 points.....anyone with 39 points or more is having their cards submitted... so mine's staying out then!!!! Other snippets from the day so far.....I had a decidedly average 30 points, but that included a nett albatross on the 8th and a nett eagle on the 17th, so the double green was a happy place for me!!! Having had a birdie on the 16th as well... I was flying....until my teeshot on 18 landed on the driveway and ended up on the side of the 4th fairway.....

Cally King won the Ladies Section....including a nett eagle on the 6th and nett albatross on the 17th!!! Michael Ashby won the Juniors prize with 36 points.

And so to the evening....a roar welcomed Apples to the floor.....an even bigger one when he finished and the relief on his face when all of that was over......well see the photo!!! 

The Apples entourage walked off with 90% of the raffle prizes, but Chris is a seriously big geezer so no one argued!!!!

One of the funniest stitchups for a long time....the supposed random draw for a prize from all of the players cards for the prize of a new idea for putting....a two thumb putter....designed so that both thumbs sit side by side on the putter grip, instead of wrapped around the grip in the normal fashion, this great idea could only go to one man, the digitally challenged Mike Bowers. Happy, who was MC'ing the presentations was in absolute agony with laughter, and we want to send a query to the website promoting this contraption asking how a player with a single thumb can use a two thumb putter grip.....

Elton Jeff sang his way through the vast array of Elton John songs as 117 members and guests in a packed clubhouse made the most of a great evening. Past President, Bernie Jones was presented with his maritime clock in thanks for his efforts for the club as our 1st President, whilst Keech Cottage received a cheque for over £3600 from last years

Captain John Gibson for his year in office. A short but eloquent speech from the Hospices representatives made us all realise how much we take our own good health for granted. A worthy charity, which will be receiving a vast cheque next year if Apples and his team keep selling raffle tickets and fining people at the rate they are at the moment. So much more happened, I probably don't know the half of it yet... but if I hear more, it will appear on this page as soon as I can get it on!!!!  

Phil Barter, thankfully in more than just underpants, and Alan Michael model a new style of headgear...however, the photograph cannot lie and headgear in the clubhouse is a 25p fine to the Captains Charity.....money in the bottle please fellas ASAP!!!!

Thurs 2nd June...Seniors v Juniors Match...the largest Junior side ever assembled by the Chalgrave with 14 players took on the cream???? of the seniors......Estevan led his side to a famous victory by 4 matches to 3 although he failed to include himself in the 4 winning matches!!!Ben Banerji and Anthony Yule recorded the biggest victory of the day by winning 6 & 5 against Eric Halston and Derek Collins. Eric had his own celebration on the 14th hole... it was the only hole that he managed to outdrive Ben!!!!....not bad considering Ben is half his size and one fifth of his age!!!! Estevan is pictured below with the Junior v Senior Trophy!!!

Weds 25th...The Pro, Geoff Swain, regaled us with a true story....Geoff was at Woburn on Monday doing his trick shot show as part of a Charity Golf Day.....A few celeb's about, including Kevin Whately of Inspector Morse fame, and Nicholas Parsons of Sale of the Century....Geoff engaged NP in conversation....."do you play much?" said the Pro to NP..."Not really, I'm new to the game, I'm not very good either" said NP...."strange that" responded Geoff " You've not improved since I partnered you in a Pro ~ Am 20 years ago then..."
cue the spaghetti western music!!!!!!

Sun 22nd...The Juniors played their 3rd match in this years Tavistock Trophy, this time at John O'Gaunt GC. The format is not conducive to a Chalgrave win...with teams of 6 and best two gross scores and best two nett scores with 2 discarded to produce a team score. Bearing in mind that Michael off 9 and Estevan off 11 have to produce two very low scores for us to have a chance....bear in mind that there are 12 golfers in the other three teams playing off between 1 and 9!!!!... whilst our other four players, Aidan, Anthony, Simon and Ben are all 11/12 years old and off less than 26...against everyone else who is 16yrs + (and one of them was off 28!!) it gives a mountain to climb....but it is great experience. Michael hit the 2nd best gross of the day, Estevan chipped in with an 86 gross, and Simon and Ben both were in the low nett 70's to leave us just 2 points away from causing a major upset......a fantastic performance from all the boys....

A bit of a grotty picture of the boys....I got the sun in the wrong place!!!!....but this is the Tavistock Team at Aspley Guise

From left to right...

Ant Yule, Aidan Rumball, Simon Scully, Ben Banerji, Michael ashby and Estevan Silva..

Whilst the boys were storming round JOG, the Dads follow on behind with their own little competition.....Tony and Austin paired up whilst HAGS Joe and Mick made up a three ball with me. If I hear "there for nothing" from Mick Yule once more, when he has just blasted the bl**dy thing 280 yards down the middle of the fairway, I will not be responsible for my actions....Joe Silva didn't help matters by nicknaming me "hacker" Rumball as I meandered through the forests and deep rough of JOG on my way to compiling a shocking 19 stableford points!!! Those of you playing in the birthday competition should get the wine glasses ready....unless things improve rapidly....this is going to be a VERY expensive challenge match!!!

Sat 21st....FA Cup Final Day... torrential rain in the morning plus a massive bolt of lightning saw the course emptied pretty quickly, with the HAGS settling down for the afternoon in front of the TV with the occasional half of shandy.....the game was drawing to its conclusion...3 minutes of normal time remained, a goal now would surely win the cup...the tension mounted....Bergkamp accelerated forwards towards the Man U area, the HAGS were on their feet...."go on my son" "get in there" as they ignored the TV and moved over to the windows to watch two ducks having "relations" on the practice green!!!!! It wouldn't happen at Dunstable Downs!!!!!

Sun 15th....Scratch Team played John O'Gaunt B here at Chalgrave....with JOG fielding a team all off less than 5 handicap....But our guys were still smarting from the semi final defeat in the winter scratch.....and pulled an awesome performance out of the bag, with a 5 - 0 whitewash!!!! Richard Ashby celebrated reducing his own handicap to 5 and making it to the elite category 1 golfer, with a level par 72. Well done guys!!!

Fri 13th....well something had to happen!!!! 71 year old Ron Rowland, former Captain of Dunstable Downs and a thoroughly nice bloke despite that....provided us with a self inflicted tale of great merriment....standing on the 8th tee and having played his normal 200yard + drive down the middle of the fairway, he decided to allow gravity to assist his electric trolley by letting it freewheel down the slope from the tee towards the fairway...nothing strange there you might think... except that Ron managed to switch the trolley on as he gave it a push start!!! Off went the trolley, down the dip and up the other side towards the fairway. Ron realised what he had done, and set off in hot pursuit. The trolley beat him to the crest of the fairway and started on the downward slope, drifting across towards the trees on the 12th. After chasing the trolley for over 150 yards...and yes chasing was running.... Ron described the final bit as " I accelerated over the last 20 yards and caught it just before it hit a tree!!!" Maybe this should be included as a fitness test for joining the seniors....150 yard run with a sprint at the end!!!!

Mon 9th May....news from the Club Match v Henlow....those who played on Saturday morning got caught in the most horrendous hail storm....any bit of shelter would do as the course was blanketed in small white balls!!! Most though, were without protection and were thoroughly soaked through....Mick Yule decided that playing in soaked clothing was not for him, so whilst everyone was waiting for the hailstones to melt he nipped into the clubhouse to collect his rainsuit trousers, discarding all other items first!!! "Commando" Yule said he swung more freely on the back nine!!! The Ladies section were also out on the course and did notice that one member in a rainsuit was often seen standing with his hands in his pockets!!!! Meanwhile, Richard Scott was out in the middle of the course, cursing the fact that he had no waterproofs....he was just thinking if only he had a brolly......when he caught one blowing past him!!!! John Natus....several fairways away.....was now getting soaked!!! Richard made no attempt whatsoever to return the brolly until after the storm abated!!!

Mon 9th May....news reaches me of a certain committee member who must be liable for a fine to the Captains Charity for this one.....The new arrangements for starting competitions have been a resounding success, until Paul Davies arrived for his start time on Sunday for the medal at 9.52am, the last slot of the morning, to find that he should have been on the tee at 7.30am to start the competition!!!!! Ooops!!!! So does that deserve a fine or what???

Mon 9th May....for those of you interested in the outcome, Paul Godfrey deservedly won our matchplay match by three "pardons?" with two "whats?" to play!!!!!

Thurs 28th April.....there are days that I love this job....Ebeneezer spent some time on Tuesday...see below... ridiculing the Bowers for their lack of ability to hang onto a set of keys.....today, Ebeneezer sets off for his regular Thursday jaunt with JP and Terry Richardson...leaving the keys to his car hanging out of the boot lock!!! The keys were kept in the office and there was much laughter as Eb frantically searched through his bag and clothing in a desperate search for the missing items....after several minutes we put him out of his misery, but I am sure that the Bowers will have something to add!!!!

Tues 26th April...one of the classic matches of all time rapidly approaches...Steve Rumball v Paul Godfrey in the singles matchplay, due to be played on Fri 6th May...this could be a strange sight out on the course, with both Steve and Paul somewhat restricted in the hearing department, you can imagine what is going to happen....the two of us 10 yards apart, shouting at the tops of our voices at each other...."HOW MANY SHOTS HAVE YOU TAKEN???"   "HALF PAST THREE" will come the reply!!!!! Can't wait!!!

Tues 26th April....Ebeneezer recounts a story of family traits.....Pat Bowers played at Chalgrave on Saturday, and lost her car keys and scoured all 18 holes and the clubhouse before finding them in her handbag.....whilst hubby Mike played at Chartridge and also lost his car/house keys, scoured the course, clubhouse, brother in laws car, returned home and turned the house upside down and generally whinged to everyone who would listen and anyone who wouldn't that he had lost them...Ebeneezer said to him that he was sure he had seen Mike put the keys in his golf bag...Mike scoffed at the thought, having emptied the bag twice already....eventually, 48 hours after losing them, Mike finds the offending keys.....in his golf bag!!!!! Don't lend your keys to the Bowers!!!!!

Mon 25th April....So much news....Nick Hawker is getting set to join the cardigan, pipe, slippers and foot spa brigade, as his 20 year old daughter gives him the news he has waited for all his life....he will be a grandad at 40!!!! Nick is considering applying for Honorary membership of the Seniors Section.....we are considering giving it to him whether he wants it or not!!!! William Hills are refusing to take bets on Nick becoming a Great Grandad by 60 and a Great Great Grandad by 80.

Whilst the Juniors were playing their first fixture of the Tavistock Trophy at Leighton Buzzard GC on Sunday 24th (Congratulations to Michael Ashby who recorded the best nett score of the day with a superb nett 67) the Dads, Austin, Tony, Mick, Joe and Steve had a small wager on their own little match as they followed the lads around....Tony took the overall with just 29 points...which doesn't say a lot for the rest of us....except that Mick Yule surpassed himself as he won the front 9 with a superb 22 points and then got 5 points on the back 9!!!! You had to see it to believe it!!!

Vice Captain Apples and Trick Shot Pro Geoff Swain made their appearance at the inaugural Golf Show on Friday. Geoff was there with his trick shot show, and Apples was dispensing his own unique brand of marketing and ambassadorship on behalf of the Club. By the end of the show, everyone at the NEC in Birmingham had heard about Chalgrave from Apples...which wasn't bad going as the show was in London!!! 'Nuff Said!!!

Thurs 7th April......A new member is on his way up the 1st, and he comes across Geoff Swain collecting balls off the first fairway. Geoff had made his way across the first fairway from the practice ground where he had been hard at work, practicing his trick shot show for his first big show of the season. As well as the usual 250yard+ drives whilst facing in the wrong direction, Geoff had been trying some new shots which include a one handed half volley with a driver, like a cricketers cover drive!!!! Whilst most of the balls sped off in the intended directions, a few wayward ones drifted over onto the course....(I've tried it and it is bloody difficult to hit it, let alone hit it straight!!!!)....so anyway.....the new member says to Geoff  "did you just hit those from the practice ground then?" "Yup" replies Geoff..." Bloody hell mate, you need to see the Pro then" came the response!!!!!!!!! Fantastic!!!! You couldn't make it up!!!

Sat/Sun 2nd/3rd April...the April Medal.. first time off the grass tees, off the whites... and the course won!!!! The competition scratch score was higher than the course par....so there was no upward movement of handicaps for anyone...although Tony Banerji got a cut from 18 to 16 for winning with a 67!! Serves him right for being so flash....but it was Paul Northcott who cleaned up.....despite a decidedly less than average 93 gross off 9 handicap, he actually completed 17 holes in 91 shots after a magnificent 2 on the 10th...now why would this make the news page you might be asking yourself????? Well, out of 63 entries into the 2's competition, Pauls 2 was unique, giving him the whole pot of £31.50... which will be more than Tony Banerji gets for winning.......a cut and less money.. now there's a result!!!

Sun 27th March again...Competition Starter Vince Hasker turned up in Blazer, Shirt and Tie for his official role.....we will see if the sartorial elegance is matched by Brian Gidley and Dave McGarry for this weekends medal competition....and the reason there are starters for competitions now is to make sure that the competitions start on time and that we have control over the first tee during the competition starting period....so....the first person to turn up late on the 1st tee and incur a 2 shot penalty from the starter was Mick McGarry......who, as a Committee Member, is on the rota for starting at least one competition this summer!!!!! If you arrive late when Mick is starting....you are DEFINITELY getting a 2 shot penalty now!!!

Sun 27th March....Mike Purcell is late for his start time for the Presidents Putter!!! You couldn't make it up!!!

Sat 26th March.....Mike Purcell is wandering around 1 hour ahead of everyone else having put his clock forward a day early!!!!!

Friday 25th March...Good Friday....and the Scratch Foursomes team put in what is probably the finest performance of any team that the club has fielded in its history to date...John O'Gaunt GC paid us the most immense compliment by turning up with a side that had 8 players, highest handicap of 4!!! The Ashby's, 16year old Michael (10 handicap) and Dad Richard (6 Handicap) led the team off against two JOG guys off scratch!!! The JOG partnership burnt up the front nine in just 35 strokes, 3 under par!!!! At this stage, Richard and Michael trailed by just 3 holes, which in itself is a superb performance. Their match continued in the same frame, with the Ashbys fighting every inch of the way to finish with a 7 hole deficit against a side that played the course to level par!!!

Mike Hagan and Golfer of the Year Paul Davies put in a magnificient performance, not budging an inch in their match which finished all square after 18 holes.........Steve Bradshaw and Steve Rumball also fought with great determination and finished 4 down at the end, again against a pairing that played par golf.....and then we had Phil Barter and Nick Hawker in the final match...

Fittingly for Good Friday, they were three down after four holes and getting crucified....and then we saw the Easter Miracle.....the 5th was halved and then  Phil and Nick simply blew the opposition away...

Foursomes golf is a minute examination of your golf...at scratch level, a poor shot puts you under immense pressure, a bad shot costs you the hole every time....Phil and Nick soaked up the pressure of the early losses, absorbed it and threw the whole lot back at their opposition,  winning an incredible 10 of the remaining 13 holes without reply, to finish a fabulous 7 up!!!! The comeback started when Phil chipped in from 20 yards for an eagle on the 6th.....and finished with Nick holing a 15ft across the green putt for birdie on 18!!!!

The team are 4 holes down going into the second leg, with 72 holes to play....WATCH THIS SPACE!!!!!!!

Saturday 19th March....History is made as the third consecutive generation of the Rumball family collect a trophy at the Annual Dinner....as 12 year old Aidan joins Dad Steve and Grandad Phil in the Club's Rolls of Honour. Not bad for a club that's only been going 11years!!!

and now for something that WILL interest you!!!! The dinner was a resounding success....and El Presidente JP will be raking in the blackmail monies over the next few weeks as people try to prevent pictures appearing on this site!!! Some, however, are too late to stop publication....

Ebeneezer twirled Cally around the dancefloor as though they were contesting the final of Strictly Come Dancing...

Whilst Deputy Head Greenkeeper Darren Adams showed why he always late for work these days.........

as Penny keeps a tight grip on him..........well, at least she's smiling Dazzer!!!!

Coco turned up incognito....no one recognised him in a white shirt....

whilst JP quickly shot a couple of frames of the Pro....to remind us all what he looks like... ....for those who have forgotten, Geoff is on the right!!! Vice Captain and Clubman of the Year, Diamond Geezer Apples adopted his normal style of conversation

...which involves stabbing a finger into his chest in a accusing manner.....sorry about the larger picture....but you needed to see the demented eyes of Mike "I bought some speed but it turned out to be sherbert fountain" Purcell....

.....although personally, I think I prefer the finger stabbing approach........rather than now have to explain why Dave and I are the only gays in the village!!!!!

Mike Bowers wants to know why he is the only person who has not been given a pudding...

whilst Chalgraves answer to Basil Fawlty has had so much to drink he forgot to pick up his glass before taking a sip.....by the way, nice handbag Tim!!!

Doug Oakes, meanwhile, broke into the store cupboard and inhaled from my helium canister....then he needed someone to stop him floating up to the ceiling.....

Watch this space.....more will be revealed when JP has finished with the blackmail!!!!!!

Fri 18th March...the course looks superb....slick greens, stripy fairways, smooth, lush rough....and a nasty rumour is circulating that the ball bounces instead of plugging!!!!! The greenstaff are going flat out...only one bit we are unsure about....can we get all the white tees into play for the Razz pairs on Sunday???? Maybe, maybe not...

Fri 11th March....three more days days of cutting....holes 1, 2 and 3 are still just too slippy to cut...but 4 to 18 are all cut...twice!!!! Stripy fairways, cut rough, smooth fringes, cut and scarified greens...now...you have been warned...

the 10th proved a tad tricky on Friday afternoon...I heard of ONE birdie and ONE par....at least SEVEN 6's and countless did not finish!!!! The combination of scarified and cut greens, very strong wind blowing from the back of the green down the slope, a pin position on one of the more severely sloped parts of the green all resulted in horrendous scores. If you putted uphill and left it short, it came back to you and often past you...the secret....the ball will stop if you put it past the hole...the art is making sure that you do not put it very far past!!!! If it stays like that for the weekend....email me at steve@chalgravegolf.co.uk if you take more than 8!!! Anyone in double figures will get a special mention next week!!!!!
 

Tues 8th March....what a difference a couple of days makes....Friday..2" covering of snow everywhere...Tuesday...a 2" covering of something else....cut grass!!!!Yup...so far...6th, 11th, 12th, 14th & 15th fairways cut, all the greens, rough cut on the same holes as well....hopefully it will stay dry and more cut tomorrow!!!!!

Mon 7th March....Tim Smith and Nick Hawker confirm their juvenile & schoolboy status today by leaving their payments for the Annual Dinner Dance in an envelope marked Tim & Nicks Dinner Money!!!!

Thurs 3rd March.... Snow has gone... for the moment, but icy winds whip across the course...El Presidente John Ponsford is clearly bored and is clearing the memory from his digital camera, when he unearths a forgotten picture of Ebeneezer at the Kids Xmas Party, handing the next present to DJ Dennis to announce... so....Xmas....Kids Party...Presents..Ebeneezer. Take a look at the fingers of Eb's right hand, holding the present!!!!!! The camera doesn't lie!!!

Bah Humbug!!!!!

Thurs 24th Feb...For those of you who wonder why I still play football at weekends instead of enjoying the green open spaces of the golf course, should have a look at the article below:

so now you know.......

Thurs 24th Feb....Blizzards sweep across the course, the 12th would be downwind today...but no snow is landing, it just passes horizontally!!!! There must be a 100ft high drift somewhere down towards Houghton Regis, or wherever it all stops!!! Sadly, the stamina of the club members is not what is was.....no one has turned up to play....and I have not even had a daft phone call asking if we are open....so we are!!!! Now I can say in all honesty... when someone enquires about membership etc in a few months time...." do you remember the blizzards in February...well we were open and on all our greens as well!!!"

Thurs 17th Feb...I get an email from Pete Graydon...he is bored at work so he is perusing the website and "notices" an entry for Ray Nightingale in the Ecelectic Results from last year....for those that don't know, an eclectic is where you achieve your best score FOR EACH INDIVIDUAL HOLE, from all of the competition cards submitted during the year, so you should end up with, in theory, the best score you could have achieved that year. Ray Nightingales entry shows that 4 cards qualified for consideration.....the mind boggles as to how a 12 on the 8th and a 15 on the 15th are the best scores!!! but thats what it says!!! Now if you want to know Pete's state of boredom...check out the competition results, find the Eclectic Table and then try and find Ray Nightingale and his scores.....how bored do you have to be to be able to notice this??????

Sat 12th Feb....Charity Race Night...Almost £600 was raised for Keech Cottage, the Captains Charity...a fantastic night was had by all....El Presidente John Ponsford walked away with the Top Prize of a TV/DVD Combo, whilst the McGarry Twins!!! cleaned up with a £200 1st place in the auction race, which they then subsequently used £50 to take 50 squares in the Callaway Clubs Charity Draw!!!

See below for a selection of piccys from the RaceNite!!!

The HAGS + 1 line up at the start...
left to right is Apples, Rollaball, Bud, Donny, Donny's Twin, Rentboy, Macca and Greenkeeper MADS

then Pete hits a waterjump...

then Apples does as well...

before returning to his diet.....

the McGarry Twins celebrate a £200 win in the auction race....
by spending £50 on the Charity Callaway Clubs draw...and the other £150 at the bar by the look of it!!!!!
 

Mon 7th Feb... Adrian Purser arrives at the club all smiles and chirpy....and so he should....he has just landed his dream job....after many months as an agency driver, trucker Purser has been offered a full time job....driving a dirty great lorry, packed to the rafters with cans of beer!!!!!!!!!! You couldn't make it up!!!

Thurs 3rd Feb...El Presidente Ponsford has made a staggering return to form after his 26 ~ 6 drubbing in 2004 by Ebeneezer Horwood, in their weekly battle. Having started the new year in the same form and 2 ~ 0 down, El Presidente finally came good this week.....having first lent his supersonic big head driver to Dave Parr, he then smashed Ebeneezer to pieces, shaking hands on the 13th green to record a 6 and 5 victory. El P proceeded to duff the next three shots up the 14th to rub salt into the wounds!!!

Thurs 27th Jan...Chalgrave Molers brave the rain and cold on their weekly jaunt...Alan Laid tries to argue that golf is a game of skill, not a game of chance...and then tells everyone that he parred the 9th today for only the second time in four months!!! Yup... thats a game of skill then Al!!! More molers news....concerning ex~member Hugh Cassidy who "emigrated" or was repatriated to Scotland at the end of 2004...Hugh has a new grandchild....and there is absolutely no truth in the rumour that the little tot is already taller than Hugh!!!! 

Mon 17th Jan... the decorators are in....paint everywhere, but mainly where it ought to be thankfully....hopefully all will be done by weds/thurs at the latest....

Mon 10th Jan....At Last!!!!!! I have spent countless hours trying to get the new version of the software that I use for this website to allow me to insert a table!! and now I have worked out a way to do it!!! So now, the Competition results, start sheets, handicaps etc will all appear in nice neat columns instead of meandering all over the page making it look as though I am smoking waccy baccy whilst keeping you all up to date with the website. Check out the Dec Medal result..under the eclectic (waccy baccy)result to see the new style.

Fri 8th January...International News now..concerning one of our previous members, Doug Chalkley who now resides in Thailand...thankfully for him not on the Indian Ocean coast. Someone found  a picture of Doug receiving a trophy at his new Club...and the writeup applauded his excellent 44 points, winning the trophy 7 points clear of his nearest rival.....further investigation of Doug's Club website, reveals a slight increase in his handicap, from the 16 he finished with at Chalgrave....to an actual of 25.8 playing 26 in Thailand!!! Must be a bl**dy difficult course then Doug!!!! It is soooooo tempting to send his handicap certificate by email........what do you think???? to vote YES...

email me on steve@chalgravegolf.co.uk NOW!!!!

Fri 8th January....A traditional Chalgrave winter howling gale whips across the course...Ben Hope is playing with the Friday afternoon boys and is on the windswept 12 th tee....as he reaches the top of the backswing and starts to bring the club back into the ball, a gust of wind blows him off the tee!!!!! He falls back into his own bag!!!! It gets worse!!!! As he was blown backwards, he still continued with his downswing, just caught the ball with the toe of the club, making enough contact to send the ball OOB!!! His playing partners eventually stopped laughing enough to help him up!!!

Mon 3rd Jan... A sobering thought for New Year....last night I watched further coverage of the Asian Earthquake disaster...and the first camera crews made it to the northern tip of Sumatra. The coastline had vegetation almost to the seas edge, and generally rose steeply as it went inland. Now, the coastline is stripped bare to a height of 85 feet, for over 120 MILES! This was the height of the wave! To put this into perspective, if you were putting out from the BOTTOM of the 10th green, those on the 6th green up by the church would still have been swept away! The miracle is that anyone survived at all.

Sat 1st January 2005..9.30 am Ebeneezer opens up as promised!!!!! At precisely 12.30pm, El Presidente John Ponsford becomes the first player of the year to three putt the 18th!!!

2005

Friday 31st December...New Member, having joined earlier in the day, Mark Vizard took the honour of being the last person on the course in 2004, finishing at 4.15pm....yes it bl**dy well was dark!!!! Ebeneezer says he will be here tomorrow morning at around 9.00am to open up.....yeah right!!!! So.... the last entry for 2004 on the website....HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!!!!!!!!

Thurs 30th December....In the true spirit of Christmas and Goodwill to all Men, four sections of the Club gathered to play a friendly thrash around the course....the SNOBS (Sunday Nine O'Clock Boys), The HAGS (Hairy Arsed Golfing Section), The Divot Diggers and the Seniors Section all put up at least 10 players. Best 8 cards from the team to count. The SNOBS clearly lost sight of the true meaning of the match by taking it far too seriously and accumulating a massive 275 points (averaging better than 34 points per player) whilst the HAGS and the Divot Diggers tied for 2nd with 253 points, whilst the Seniors were just 3 points behind on 250. The event proved so popular, El Presidente John Ponsford made a collection for a trophy to be purchased and played for Annually.

Thurs 23rd December...Ebeneezer Horwood reports from the course two tales....one a story of a sound thrashing for the Club President, John Ponsford, who pre~election was tying at 6~6 in the weekly match against Ebeneezer...and who finally succumbed 22~6 in the final week before Christmas!!!! Clearly the pressures of Presidency are just too much to bear!!!...and....(according to Eb)...the Ladies gave a classic example of why they should be at home peeling the sprouts not out cluttering up the golf course!!! One who shall remain nameless, but is married to Mike Bowers and answers to the name of Pat, came in with Ros and Kay asking for a golf buggy to go back out onto the front 9 to look for a missing purse and flask...(methinks the flask might be the cause of this tale!!!). As it is way too wet to get a buggy out... the ladies set off back up the 18th, back down the 8th, the 7th,6th,5th,4th, 3rd 2nd and 1st but no sign of the missing items....until Pat double checks her golf bag and there they are!!!!! The in joke in the Clubhouse all afternoon was how three do ladies all get round 18 holes in under 80 shots each??? Only play 9 of them and walk the rest!!!! 

Fri 17th & Sat 18th December....Christmas Cabaret Nights.....Fri.. the Ladies Section are out in force and in a seriously party mood!!!! With Donny and Shrek behind the bar, Ebeneezer Horwood  was able to drift around the club in Manager mode, and the Ladies managed to achieve the same result as in A Christmas Carol, as Bah Humbug Horwood succumbed to the Ladies charms and danced the night away......and then had the cheek to tell me the following day that he WORKED until 1.30am!!! If that's work....well, look out for the greenstaff tangoing across the greens and waltzing down the fairways!!!

.....and then there was Saturday night.....well thank God the Ladies section went on Friday....Star of the show was Steve "Jacobs" Emmett....participating in the Xmas Party games, Steve was determined that his wife Linda would emerge victorious in the challenge...1st to get a pairs of mans shoes....then a mans shirt and then a mans pair of trousers.....There was no need to ask... Steve shed every item in seconds.....and as the final round approached, was standing in full view of everyone on the edge of the dancefloor in just his boxers and socks.....the final item required.....socks of course!!!!! Steve bent down to remove his right sock.....regretably the boxers were of the loose leg variety and combination of loose leg, bending down and gravity did the rest!!!! Oblivious to his display, Steve stood up and threw the right sock to Linda....then bent down again to remove the left sock!!!!! It was like BBC Three and late night Channel 5 rolled into one.... yet another repeat and not something you would let the children watch!!!! One of Steve's table recorded the event for posterity on a digital camera....so we are thinking of putting a Readers Husband's Page on the site!!!!! 6 tables have rebooked for next year already!!!!

Thurs 16th December... Brian Godfrey playing a Seniors KO comp....arrives at the 10th hole....smooth powerful swing...."Oh No!!!!" says Brian....."where's my ball gone???" "Dunno" says his playing partner...."I'm watching your club!!" Brian then realises that he is standing on the 10th tee, with no ball and no club!!! For the record, the ball ended up short of the green but over the lake....and the club ended up short of the drop zone, but also over the pond!!!

Weds 8th December... Staff Xmas Party!!!! Over the years, a certain amount of competitiveness has developed between the staff and "the boss" with the staff always determined to get one over on me....and me determined that they will have to do it bloody well if they are going to!!!!So this year, the greenstaff decided to have clay pigeon shooting as the main element, followed by an afternoon "pub games" tournament in the clubhouse. We convened at 10.00am, and they practised on the dartboard whilst I cooked aup a sumptuous breakfast of bacon, eggs, mushrooms, beans, hash browns, sausages and toast for all, inc Adrian Purser, who was looking after the club whilst we were out shooting.....

At 11.00am we arrived at the Clay Shoot site down by the motorway. After some instruction, we started on the first